ANNOYANCE TAKE ONE

Monday, May 14, 2007
things i hate right now Current mood: cranky
my awful cold with serious congestion and stuffiness
the sounds of the clicking swahili gentleman in my infected eardrum "Mkubwa hapa in nani? "
the way people merge into traffic like they rule the road
space invaders: not the 80's geek phenomenon. The people in this world who have no sense of personal boundries.....ie, the idiot behind me in the checkout line at target. Seriously......you gettin up on me while i am signing the keypad is not actually making me go faster asshole! Back the hell up!
Other people's bratty kids. If you aint gonna beat um, can I? tell them no. No, really, try it.....it's fun I do it all the time!
Perfectly educated people who don't put their kids in the carseats. Okay rocket scientists.....let me give you a little lesson on a few passing fads called GRAVITY and MOMENTUM. Hint #1: It isn't the 60's anymore. we have learned that kids and winshields don't mix. Hint. #2: If you have a car seat in the back but your kid is in the front or better yet bouncing around the backseat.....you aren't using it properly and should consult the fuckin directions again. You can get one thru WIC or at goodwill now a days....no excuses.
do green beans actually need to have spanish translations printed on them? Can't you guess what is inside by the colorful picture on the front? Dude, Thanks Del Monte, couldn't have figured that one out.
people who have no idea what to do when an emergency vehicle comes by behind them. ..............PULL OVER ASSHOLE! Duh. I don't care where you are from. This is a gimme. It's on the test and its on chips reruns. You can't tell me you don't know.
style today. I am 5'3" on a good day I have big boobs and a big waist yet you want me to squeeze into a pair of tight extra low waist long shorts and a silky material long shirt that goes over my ass. can anyone say midget? fat midget? Not gonna happen thanks anyway tommy hilfigger!
speaking of low waist shit. I want to tell all those skinny teeny boppers that even tho they are probrably all of 120 lbs at their most bloated, they look huge from behind at the mall cuz their super low waisted-pubic hair skimming jeans that are two sizes too tight are squeezing up hip fat like an oozing tube of cookie dough.
full length mirrors should be installed in every home. I mean it, i am serious. Just cuz you can zip it don't mean it fits! Have you been to walmart lately? they sell them, but you'd never know that taking a look around.
tv-when did regular channels start showing nothing but realty game shows instead of sitcoms or the lost art of dramedy? If all this crap is on prime time, what the hell is on the gameshow network? hhhhmmmmm?
i am mean
i am a bitch
truth hurts

KIDS INC.

This is kids inc. but my journey doesn't start there..............So as a tyke i remember wanting to be a solid gold dancer....then after practicing in my room, in the kitchen, in the backyard to screaming legions of fans--well, not really legions......so to say.....more like the creepy kid a grade under me with buck teeth. But it was an audience. Then like a bolting from the sky Marylin Macoo and the whole gang were ripped off the air. Tragedy bestowed upon my 6th grade heart. I cried for a week, drowning my sorrows in the 45 of A Chorus Line on my Holly Hobby record player...."I did it all for Love, did it all forrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Love, "One, singular sensation...." cry cry sob sob. Luckily, I still had saturday mornings which meant my one of many hearthrobs, ryan Lambert and my serogate sister, Martika (all fall down, like toy soldiers" whould still be there to cheer me up. I would dance and practice and write down all the steps in my Def Leppard spiral notebook. Meticulously planning for my Kids Inc. Dance audition. I sent letters, i read tigerbeat ....oh yes my friend, with no formal training and no coaching, I would in fact take annoying Stacy's place. I curled my hair like her, i wore my socks mixed up like her......i didn't want to be her.......I wanted to be better than her. I was (and still am for that matter) a master at lip sync. I found this to be a definate asset. I was an actress, did i mention that Mr. Kids Inc. Business Man? Quadruple threat. then it happened..............The Fly Girls.........dun dun duuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnn! The In living color debut. I was fixated. I had a new goal. I would be the hottie white chick that moved like a black girl. I now had access to a video recorder. I would record, playback and practice to no end. Then i would take my skills to an under 18 dance club in albuquerque "barritz" and the other one that escapes me. I would flaunt my lacy stretch pants, half tank, and loose button down baby doll dress, ridiculous gold earrings and pirate boots. They would see me and think. Awww cute white girl. Then as soon as you could say "hammer don't hurt em", I would be the only one jamming in a circle to RobBase............"go white girl, go white girl go" ......I would practice and practice, humpty dance, running man, roger rabbit, kid-n-play. I was gonna make it! Watched flashdance again for the umpteenth time.......put in a Pearl Jam cd and realized I might wanna focus on comedic theater.Now, before you cry for me argentina. Know that I can still dance, i do faithfully watch shows like "so you think you can dance" and mtv's Dance life and live vicariously through them. Especially now that dancing looks like so much flipppin fun. I am 31 and it aint gonna happen, that i will be dancing back up to prince or justin.....but, at a wedding or bar mitzvah.....watch out....cuz i will BRING IT!ps- kinda cool that Stacy from Kids Inc. is Fergie eh? I sooooooooo coulda been her!