GAS PROBLEMS

Sunday, March 25, 2007
new cologne: e du unleaded 87 Category: Automotive
so yesterday i was on my way to my buddy laura's house to pick her up for a mom's moment out sans children.
i noticed that i needed gas in the suv to get to her house so like any responsible car owner, i attempted to fill er up.
i use the word "attempted" to illustrate the fact that the following story leads up to a "ill-attempt" to function as a normal 31 year old adult who has in fact, been pumping gasoline for, well 15 years or so.
there i was, put my card in, put the nozzle in and did what many of us refer to as "flippin up the lazy switch". I put the lock on the nozzle so i could clean out the front seat of the car for my friend laura to actually have a place to set her tuckas. (if you know me, you know my car is a gigantic abyss of kid crap, cd's, magazines, clothes and the occasional rotting food) So this step was muy importante for the continuation of my friendship with laura.
i am a multitasker. i can clean out my car AND pump gas, AND apply lipstick, AND catch a quick glimpse of a cute piece of art at the next pump.
then i heard it
a sound that will forever be branded in my memory:
whoooosh, sppppppppeeeeeee, whooosh, ppppbbbbllllssstt
i come around my vehicle to see a stream of gasoline spewing out like a geyser all over the side , up the window, down around the wheel well. In a knee jerk reaction i yell at previously stated cute gentleman, "what happened, did you hear the click? where was the click? there is ALWAYS A CLICK" (imagine hands waving, spinning motion and i think i had a little jump in there)
I frantically unsqueeze the trigger of exploding liquid poison and put it back in its proper home.
the man said nothing at first then a very tiny scared, "uh, yeah no click this time" .....jack--- where were you when i needed justification or absolution? Men!!! Huh!
the attendent, whose nationality and linguistics i found both ironic and comforting at the same time, brought me some major honkin big handiwipes....apparently for just said occasion......but it was all over my car. i was a driving molotov cocktail for god's sake one lazy ass guy with a full ashtray and a cig but flick later and i'd be a suicide bomber with no martyerdom.
i glanced up at the pump. HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD!!!! $48 !! i spewed out $14 WORTH OF GASOLINE!WASTED! crap!
the attendent senses my grief at spending more than i got and my driving dilema and gives me a free carwash voucher.
normally a free carwash makes me happy......three reasons it did not:
1-it was raining at that particular moment. what dumbass parades through a carwash on a rainy day
2-technically the rainy day carwash wasn't at all free! it was $14 and a pocketfull of pride
3-it made me late, i hate being late