tickle me elmo precursor wardrobe malfunction Current mood: crazy Category: Parties and Nightlife
so most of you know i just got back from New York City for an anual teachers convention. Montessori 100 years in fact.
so, there i was leaving the conference saturday night to meet a buddy i hadn't seen in a year and her awesome 16 year old daughter (shout out to mags) anyway if you know me, you know that i have in fact gained too much weight for my frame and went on South Beach before i became as wide as my height.
i have lost 14ish lbs. i am a size smaller in the gut and some has come off my face but luckily for now, it is still residing in the chestal area. sooooo, long story even longer, i went to the bell man and asked him where Toys R' Us times square was and he gave me the directions.....but not first without telling me "YOU ARE THE MOST GEORGOUS CREATURE I HAVE SEEN TODAY. " well then.
what were the commandments again? something about vanity? oh, my bad.
so there i was thinking i was obviously hot in my low cut shirt, cleave, velvet jacket, high heeled boots and cute jeans......just walkin. Mary Tyler Moore style, like i am "on top of the world" and enjoying all NYC has to offer my walk down 8th i believe it was. I pass the huge times square signs and become entranced. Just then a cute guy comes out of the crowd in front of me and touches my arm, "hey" in that come hither way. I take the bait. cuz, i am hot, and should be admired (to my head, i now realize, this moment of minute hotness) "do you like comedy? " says he
Me? who does this idjit think i am? don't i have SNL cast member written all over my face? Of course i do......say's i.
he then proceeds to offer me tickects at a "freakin great price" for his friends show at the laugh factory.
i say no. i am not here to be conned. i am here to get to toys r us and see some friends. in that order. walk down street, cross left, stand in front of toys r us and wait. no variance. nope
(loaf of bread, gallon of milk, stick of butter) if you get that old school sesame street reference you win.
anyway, as i am trying to escape i turn backing away and get my shiney new boot heel caught in a subway grate, my heavy conference bag hoisted over my shoulder catches on my jacket and my low cut shirt, stretching it over my lacy blue bra and half the boobage bursts out, i fall backwards trying to be graceful narrowly missing a falafel cart and all its very hot contents..........i land squarly on my arse. three seemingly puerto rican fellas try to catch me to no avail and the ticket scalping dude reaches his hand out in vain to seem helpfull.......puerto rican fellas think comedian has pushed me and get in his face.....almost fight ensues and i am embarrased as hell. not that i have a gigantic bruise on my ass but that my bra wasn't even a sexy/cute one. Damn my timing! Upon getting dressed i didn't know i was gonna janet jackson it for the world to see. F^$%!
please, I ask all my friends to send me the link as soon as your buddy from the next cubical texts you with a message that says,
"dude, check out this dorky chicks boob my friend sent from his phone in times square this weekend, he was minding his own business buying meat on a stick when she took a dive!"
seriously. I should see MY boob on utube.com before anyone else.
its only fair
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