SELL OUT SANDWICH

Sunday, June 03, 2007

"I'll take two self-pleasing burgers w/ an order of sell-out to go please"
Category: Food and Restaurants

so i knew the day would come when i would be watching t.v. and unexpectedly hear a song in the background I recognized.....i just didn't know it would be so 'soon'. Here is the meat and potatoes of my rant.....i remember sitting in the living room listening to my dad wax nostalgic about how much he thought that a certain 60's or 70's band "sold out" by having their "classic" music pushing laundry detergent or ragu spaghetti sauce. I would just nod along somehow missing the REAL heartbreak I would endure myself these 15 someodd years later.

At first it was cool to hear the Blondie song in the background for AT&T and i admit i loved the one superbowl ad a few years back with the guy in surgery "dun, dun, tainted love" by Soft Cell. Ha ha very amuzing. then it happened. The songs that define me as an 80's chick began popping up everywhere.

Example b:
CareerBuilder.com using Quiet Riot's "Feel the Noise"....seriously, what part of "girls rock your boys" sounds like a solid lead on gaining the upper hand of your profession.....unless of course porn is your profession. My bad, clearly i didn't think that one thru.

Carnival Cruises using Cyndi Lauper's "Girls just wanna have fun".....are you kidding with this shit? How many chicks our age are dying to go on a boat with other chicks our age to watch overactors use retarded Jazz Hands and sing off key? Don't get me started on the shuffleboard competition.....kickin some serious arse! Same brand different band....."Lust for Life" by Iggy Pop.....parents dole out the coke were goin rock climbin on a big ass ship.....when you get to the top tell me if you see Gopher.

Cingular Wireless using Talk Talk's "Talk Talk". uuuummmm thanks Captain Obvious. I really needed the extra push of a little 80's ditty to get me to figure out how the hell to use this new phangled technology......so you say i speak into the holes, do ya sonny?

I was minding my own business watching American Idol finale last week when one of my most favoritie songs of all time suddenly crept into my ear. what, what's this says i? how can it be? a lady and her kid growing older together walking to Yaz's "Only You".......This was always #2 on my love mix tapes (second only to DM's "somebody"....duh) to the cuties i wanted, who wanted me or I used to want. It was an honest standby. But JCPENNY"S. F you and Vince Clark and Allison Moyet....we have some serious talking to do here. what part of "looking from a window above" says capri pants and an empire waisted sparkly shirt? Huh? Tell me god damnit!

GMC : not sure what make of SUV it is pushing but I have a hard time buying a car with the diddy "I stop and Melt with you" by modern english. Really with this? Melt-Fire-Car....whose the ad-genious that thought this one up?

This one is a new song by an old fav of mine. THe song is like not even a nano second old and yet Better Than Ezra's "Juicy" is in the background of an Applebee's commercial. Are they joking with this? I didn't even get time to put it on my ipod before it started sellin' shit. THey are smiling tho....they got a big fat "juicy" paycheck.

Just witnessed this one tonight: women throwing out clothes because of bad fabric to Scandal's "Goodbye to You". Yup. Nothing says i am a strong woman like ditching polyester out a 3 story window only to replace with Cotton. "that's it, I'm not puttin up with unbreathable fabric a minute more, you can't push me around lycra, you leave one more bruise on me rayon and we are through". Gimme a break.

Clarinex: B-52's Roam. odd choice for nose spray. The flambouyant gay guy in the group obviously knows enough about puttin shit up a nose for god's sake. This one works. Cocaine in the years of decadence = "alergy" suffering in the new millinia......point well taken.

Currently the one that pisses me off the most right now............Wendy's. Fn red headed burger pusher! The Violent Femmes (seriously, the least of my sell out worries came to fruition) "Blister in the Sun". Okay so let me get this straight. Some staunch red-tie wearing ad exec comes up with the bright idea that a song about cronic masterbation would be the best song for selling beef? Beating off and beef.......coincidence? I think not.